Friends and Ghosts

by Stacey Jayne in

tell me everything she says. you rock she says. im so glad you are my friend she says.

tell me everything she says. you rock she says. im so glad you are my friend she says.


There is something in your life that takes lots of brain space. Maybe it’s your weight. Or you want to shift careers. Perhaps you maintain relationships that are out of balance. Maybe you rely on meds to contain a condition that you suspect you can heal naturally. Whatever the case, there is something that the voice in your head is relentless about. Your friends watch you struggle with this… THING.

The voice in your head that has its own opinion of what’s going on too. You know what I’m talking about, yes?

I’m in the same place as you are.

That darn voice in my head… so full of fear at times and so good at making the same choices that I’ve been making my whole life. I’m not sure if it’s the voice of my parents, certain teachers or if it grew from watching too much TV in the 80s. It doesn’t really matter where my ghoulish inner voice came from- it’s scary and never believes in me. When you continuously listen to that voice - it becomes the story of your life; otherwise known as your thoughts. In the spirit of the season it’s like constantly being visited by my ghosts.

When I run into an uncomfortable moment, the voice in my head suggests I eat something. Sometimes it also thinks I should avoid what I’m doing completely so I can feel comfortable again. Something crunchy is best like crackers or tortilla chips. While you’re chewing (the voice suggests) why don’t you check facebook, then do a few other things that have zero importance, i.e. clean some thing, pick at your face, clean out your email inbox? Then something I can chew again, cuz chewing and eating are feelings I’m familiar with, and I’ve recognized that they ease me. Chewing calms me big time. Strange I know- I’m working on it.

You too? Phew I thought I was alone here.

Well… I’m trying to be a better friend to me. I’m getting this new chapter of my life going and I’m constantly running into my old ghosts. What would I say to a friend who had similar issues? I would say: I love you so freakin much. Take some deep breaths. Drink a large glass of water and give it 15 minutes before you decide if you are actually hungry. Brush your teeth. Go for a walk or listen to your favorite song. Call a friend to talk about what’s REALLY happening in your life, make sure to bring up what you're struggling with, then bring up where you are headed! Make sure you are clear about where you are headed- make it delicious.

The truth is this: Young women need (NEED) to be better friends with themselves if they want to be successful. They need to care for their bodies, hearts and minds - the way one friend truly cares for another. A friend is a partner, not a leader, not a follower. By making friends with my body I’m learning to care for it – love it like I would a friend. When you have an amazing friend in your life, it’s easy to know what she would do for you. Just ask her. Or ask me; I'm now your friend.

Hugs and loving ghoulish thoughts to you.